I’m half…get over it!

Okay, so here’s the thing. I’m half Chinese. I’M HALF FRICKIN CHINESE!!! GET OVER IT! I know I look white. But, I was raised by a single mom (Chinese), Chinese was my first language (didn’t speak English until preschool), grew up with my Chinese family (my white family lives in Florida – only met them once), ate a continent of Chinese food – okay, ate a lot of McDonald’s as well so that doesn’t count, wore my mother’s panty hose (not tights) with black mary jane Chinese shoes to 5^th grade (omg…I can’t believe I just disclosed that – it was a very painful memory), you get the picture.

So one thing I hate is everywhere I go, if I’m with my mother or a relative, or happen to say something in Chinese, or have to say something in Chinese, I get the STARE GLARE. Do you know that glare? I know it all too well. Am I a frickin tourist attraction or the one eyed 5 nippled monkey in a cage? NO! I am not!!! STOP STARE GLARING!

I always dread going somewhere where I have to speak Chinese in public, especially with my cousin – let’s call her Sally. I’ll tell you why. Let’s say we’re at a Chinese restaurant. As soon as the server approaches our table, she will say something to me in Chinese that I will have to respond to. Lo and behold, the STARE GLARE!, followed by a plethora of questions, followed by whispering to their fellow Chinese servers, followed by 5 or 6 Chinese people STARE GLARING!!!

Sally loves it. Yep, LOVES it! And I realize it’s because she’s proud to show off her half Chinese half white cousin that speaks perfect mandarin. I get it. But darn it, I hate the stare glare!

The battle inside my head

People have always told me I’m wishy washy. (It pisses me off cuz I know it’s true.) But I’ve come to realize that there’s actually an ongoing battle inside my brain between my white (logical) side and my Chinese (illogical) side.

For example, I can never make a damned decision on what I want to eat. Salad, no sandwich, no Mexican, no salad, no Mexican (phew...ruled out one), no salad cuz I need to lose weight, but I’m craving Mexican food...OKAY – SALAD it is. But where should I get the salad? No wonder I need Zoloft! I mean, really? Seriously?? Why can't I just pack my gosh darned lunch?

That brings me to another topic on topic...swearing. I like to swear. It's fucking great. But my Chinese side, the side that says I should be a lady and prevent vulgar language from pouring out of my mouth (think it, just think it, no one can hear your thoughts) gives me serious frickin guilt trips (again inside my head). Damn it - I love to swear! I LOVE it! It's cathartic and liberating - like slapping that stupid girl -- cubicles down and -- over. OMG...I'm driving myself NUTS! No, I am nuts. Do you see why I drink?

Why do Chinese people always say "Chinese people?"

Forgive me if this sucks...I haven't written anything creative since college.

Someone said to me the other day, “Why do Chinese people always say ‘Chinese people always...’ or 'Chinese people never...’?” - as if to blame their faults on the entire race?

We were talking about food (imagine that) and my friend made a very witty comment that made me lmhcao. I said "I wish I was witty. Chinese people aren't witty." Here's the thing. Chinese people aren't witty, but that's beside the point. Why do we always blame the race for being the way we are? Are we embarrassed to be Chinese? Or do we say that because we are damn proud of it and want to take any opportunity to point out the fact that we're Chinese? Or do we say that because we instinctively evade blame? Is it innate that we must blame?